~ loop d loops : turbulance
A glass of wine, candlelight. Wind unravels a history of thought outside, how
far it has traveled? I don’t know. The world grows smaller. This week was a learning experience in ideas about language and the power of image. Something feels understood, and i don’t know what the question was yet, but have eaten the answer–i am weird this way.
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We are getting the wind tonight that caused Tornados yesterday during election day. Over fifty people died. It is getting a bit wild, and I know its just a little turbulance, but one never knows. I was pummeled once by hail so large I thought the house was going to cave in. Tonight, going to bed, I am fine but other times when the weather channel fills us with fears you go to your sheets wondering (with imagination) if you’ll wake up thrown into another neighborhood with your house in splinters all around you, mingled with other people’s stuff. Tornados can just appear, like love, and the wind can just throw you like straw from within an old scarecrow. Where are all your petty fears and ideas then?
What can you do. As a child my house went up in flames one day. One minute we were watching cartoons and the next minute my father hustled us outside on the sidewalk in our Saturday morning pajamas. We went from watching tv to watching firemen *in real life* crawl from screaming trucks, up ladders into the windows. They don’t care what they smash, break windows and furniture. My mother pulled up into the yard and almost fainted from the shock. The red trucks, orange suits of firemen. axes, the water hoses flooding into your own bedroom window is an odd thing to witness so young. Ruin_ is all over your worldly goods, and the aftermath of soot saturates everything–its all lost, forever. You start over. Thank God for family…when you go to bed in their house that night.
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Life is indulgence, down to the last minute.
… Indulge.
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I have reached something, am bored, need a new challenge… inquisitiveness has a nose like a rabbit itching for a new thing to nibble… opens window door wind .
Fantastico…. ? What is this 
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You must have been so scared, little girl. I’ve been in fires twice; once in my first own apartment, the firemen came before the fire reached my place from the flat under me. I found myself sitting barefeet and happy in the firemen’s car, with two rescued cats, a candy bag and my purse. All I took on my way out when I woke up by the smoke and the noice. The second time was worse, I really thought I should die, there was a fire on board a passenger ferry in the middle of the night. I was a stewardess and had to wake people up, and I was on the lowest level, four stairs down in the ship. I was so scared and still had to act like I was in control, not causing more panic, mouth completely dry from fear, opening every cabin door, shouting and pushing people to get up from their beds. After a while the fire was gone, it was a small fire only, but we didn’t know and the smoke was bad. We were all standing outside, on deck, it was a beautiful sunrise and completely still, and we were all so happy to be alive.
See what memories you woke up!
For a long time I had an emergency bag by the door: all my photos, passport and not much more. And still, I’m the first to sniff in the air if there is something like smoke , after 30 years…
Wow… yes, i was scared. i actually went to the kitchen and found the fire, it was electric wires, and it dazzled me. I stood there. The ceiling was falling down, my sister’s bird was not in its cage, the toaster had toast in it… i can still see it!
I went back to my father and brother in the front part of the house and sat down, dazed for a bit before I mentioned it. !! I guess the phone cord melted just as he finished calling the Firefighters… The after math is the hard part… none of your things exist.
I just watched the video (linked above under the words “wind can just throw you”) about a woman whose house was destroyed by recent tornados, when i read your post. I got emotional and started to cry a bit; so your story is still powerful too! Thank you! I love a small, wholesome cry.
I love that bag of candy part; and you’re right, it does stick with you, the feeling of not being able to get out, to breathe again… I wouldn’t feel safe in a ferry down below like that, you must have a strong sense of trust and safety. Love the sunrise part; its like you realize you now have a day; a life again… Your story is beautiful.
oh god, turbulence is a necessary part of the journey to getting to where you want to go.
all of the rain that came with the most recent weather had me thinking of your photos. it was early morning (i was driving to work) and there were rain drops plopping onto my windscreen, and they cast wondeful little 2D shadows on my newly dusted dash. very “mansuetude”.
disa, thank you so much. I am glad the storms have passed, and brought some rain! Remember it is your own heart and eye that saw the image! we all begin to influence each other’s ability to see!