Tumbleword

little red ride; rhythms
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little red ride; passing ghost of self
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Have been writing; or writing has been kidnapping me--it must happen to everyone sometimes. I feel I have been taken into an "under world" of whispers and wants; of a place where deep dark earth and a tree that speaks rhythms is asking me to see into the sky around me; to translate the pictures.

Yesterday it felt all blocked for most of the day, like a dead door or soul was blocking the view.  Hanging limp and thick and useless in my eyes.  Last night it opened; simply the way a clearing in the sky opens or you go up on a hill in you car or bike and can suddenly see this whole city sitting in a bowl down below, waiting for you there.  Its wonderful, and yet strange; a tug, a tug of war sometimes, too.  Its like a powerful child pulling your arm to go someplace.  You want to say, no, I have things to do. 

But you can't, you want to say YEs, too.  You know, all those already known, already planned things to do--are like a closed door to "LIFE"--where the routine, the routine, the routine has made you dull and void of that special aliveness you knew as a child.  The bouyancy.  The flight. 

I feel strangly half dead to stay closed in the same expected, "this is the way it is done; this is the way I usually do it" routine to life.  Its already lived, those ideas.  They've already found an end.   
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For me, making a list of things to do is sometimes like saying, "Tomorrow three birds (one red, one brown, one yellow) are going to come sit on my back yard branches before noon and sing Hail Mary or Mary Had a Little Lamb or something from Moby while pink notes fall from the sky instead of rain.  I then decide, if this doesn't happen, I have failed, I am worthless." That is sort of how we begin our day.  Mentally.  Against ourselves. Closed to the possibilities.

And if it did happen.  If a red bird, a brown bird, a yellow bird DID come sing Hail Mary or mimick Dave Mathews, and pink notes fell from the sky--would you be surprised?  Would you think wow, that is incredible? Or would you go inside and scrub the toilet, cross that off the list, and head to the dry cleaners, hurried and pissy all the way?
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How do you keep that balance; between staying alive, awake; and getting things done? Its a regular circus act, and I am not so good at this "acting."
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Here is a surprise for the eyes! Stargazers: a full eclipse tonight.  No wonder i feel all re-aligned! :)
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Link to Hubble telescope site; gallery of stars and tonight's sky.